Man’s Capacity to Forgive Flows from God
by Fr. Zachary Burns, TOR

For many of us, this passage is downright scary: “If you forgive men their transgressions, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you do not forgive men neither will your Father forgive your transgressions.”

Jesus’s expectations are clear, and the repercussions for not meeting these expectations are immense (God’s infinite mercy being withheld from us . . . yikes!).

It’s not that we don’t believe what Jesus is saying—it’s just that forgiveness can be really hard. Is Jesus being literal? What does He truly expect of the brokenhearted?

Perhaps the hardest thing we are asked to do as Christians is to forgive. After all, it’s hard enough to forgive someone who accidentally cuts us off in traffic, let alone someone who has inflicted deep and lasting wounds. And so, when it comes to forgiveness, the enemy presents two temptations: 1) “lip service;” profess forgiveness with our lips and not from our hearts, or 2) withhold forgiveness altogether as we cling to petty resentments.

At times, these are the only options even the sincerest of Christians is able to manage. And so, we always keep in mind, the essential truth about forgiveness: The capacity to forgive from the heart flows from God. As human beings, we merely partake in this divine action. In all our sincerity (or lack thereof) we do not have the ability by our own merit to forgive others. Forgiveness is a supernatural gift. Human beings are hardwired to recall threats and react with a fight response or a flight response when we encounter threats to our survival and/or well being. These reactions are a biological defense acquired by evolution for the benefit of the creature. It’s a great for wild animals, but not so much for Christians who desire inner conversion of the heart.

This is why I believe the modern world has so much trouble with forgiveness. When we think of ourselves more as animals than as sons and daughters of God, we should not be surprised to find that true forgiveness evades us. Instead, we find ourselves either running away from those who have hurt us or turning others into enemies. We can desire to forgive someone of their transgressions and we can allow ourselves the emotional space to acknowledge the wounds they may have caused us, yes. But, at the end of the day, we have no way to offer to others, by our own merits, that which is not ours to offer. Forgiveness is not a human thing, it’s a God thing. And if we want to learn to forgive, we must put forgiveness in its proper place: as an offering to God.

I’ve always believed that the perfect example of this idea is St. Stephen the Martyr. As he is being stone to death, he cries out: “God forgive them, for they know not what they do.” In other words: “Lord, I can’t forgive these people right now. They’re hurting me! They’re killing me! But I am aware that, like me, they need forgiveness. So, God, give them what I cannot give. And help inline my soul to desire to offer from the depths of my own heart that genuine forgiveness that is, by nature, your domain.”

If we can do this—if we can offer to God our desire to forgive even if we can’t, in this lifetime, move our hearts to a genuine state of forgiveness—we can hope to receive from God what we have asked him of another. And that is, forgiveness. Mercy.

It’s God’s business. We can only offer it on his behalf. And sometimes, we have to rely completely on him to take up a mantle that feels too heavy for us.